they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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