No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
