So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
