she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
