Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
