He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
