its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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