Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
