I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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