Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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