no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
