The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
