I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
