oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
