every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize