ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
