New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize