U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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