I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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