the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
