i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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