You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
