Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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