I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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