The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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