Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
