she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
