We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
