I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
