Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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