living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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