I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need to calm my uterus...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
