I will die if light touches me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
