so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
