I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
