so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
