i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
