If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
