you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
