i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
