so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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