if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They have beer where we have blood.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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