Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
