But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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