Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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