yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
