This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
