had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
