Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
