he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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