I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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