Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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