you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize