hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
