I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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