shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
