so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
