How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
