He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
