At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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