Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
