No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
