So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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