I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
