my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
