i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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