well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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