My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
