i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
