We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
