I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
