i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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