my soul wont recognize me after tonight
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found your dick twin last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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