so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
