He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
