Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
