She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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