You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
