I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
