I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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