Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
