Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
a search helicopter?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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