I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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