I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
