they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
