I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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