had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
