i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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