This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
