FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
