12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
