I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
