Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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