she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
