I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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