if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize